Ode To Last Week:
At 7:16 a.m., wednesday morning, I left for work in a typical outfit
of khakis and a sweater.
Feeling pretty good about life.
At 8:30 a.m., wednesday morning, I look
at my once clean
khaki pants and see a disturbingly potent, green substance
in a huge blob on my right thigh.
As a look closer, I also see streaks of this
mysterious green substance....on my shin pant leg.
Yes, streaks of it.
As I go to the bathroom to frantically
scrub off the mystery stain before my class,
I realize that it is no use.
I now...look green, and very very...
wet.
Every class the whole day started with, "Ms. Scheffers, why is there green stuff all over your pants"? To which I laughed and said, "Today...is just one of those days."
Yet it is a petrifying thought that I have no clue how the violently green substance appeared. And I wonder, how is this possible that one does not notice getting a ridiculous amount of green substance on one's pants?
Therefore, I am convinced that it will come back one day.
In all its green fury.
Saturday, 11:45 a.m. I am at a breakfast place
called Colonial Kitchen,
sipping my coffee.
As one cup is finished,
I go to pour another out of the wonderful pot that the waitress
has left on our table.
As I begin to pour, nothing comes out.
I tilt the pot back a bit more, but
still...nothing comes out.
So....I tilt the pot back just a wee bit more.
And what do you know?
The WHOLE pot comes out.
On my lap.
On the table.
On the floor.
But mostly on my lap.
The whole pot.
Luckily, it does not scald me
or soak my new, white sweatshirt.
Unluckily, my pants are soaked,
the whole restaurant seems to be laughing,
and the women's bathroom is predictably,
OUT OF ORDER.
But then, I thought a deep thought.
This week...is a dangerous week....
to be my pants.
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6 comments:
very insightful conclusion. Hope this week is better
Hilarious! Green and coffee stained pants are bad no doubt. A few weeks ago I sat in chocolate...brown stains on your backside might be the worst.
maybe your pants are sending you a message: 1. buy more pants, this is your moment for guilt-free shopping, or 2. wear less pants, although this might make teaching somewhat... interesting...
I've heard of a bad hair day, but this is the first time I have heard of a bad pants week. I like Michelle's #1 suggestion.
haha--well, Bryan, I agree that your situation is definitely worse.
That is really funny.
Michelle, I think I really love your number 1 suggestion. I might just do that. I still like your number 2 option as well, and I am trying to figure out why my mother doesn't.....
Well, I guess if you wear less pants you have to consider the other options: 1. Wear shorts? Not allowed by teachers, I'm just sure. 2. Wear skirts? Ummm...cute, but too cold in the winter 3. Wear no pants, skirts or shorts? Yes, very interesting and you would get fired and be jobless...soooo definitely go shopping!
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