Aftermath

I am a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions lately.

A bizarre and unfamiliar mixture of
exuberance and sadness.

I made one of the most exciting decisions
I have made in awhile--I chose Chicago,

grad school, a new opportunity--

But in those moments of exuberance and clarity,
I forgot just for a moment that I was also choosing:

"Why are you leaving us, Ms. Scheffers?"

"Don't you like teaching here?"

And by far the worst...

"Don't you like us?"

And my heart....just...sinks.
And the pit in my stomach...awakens.

Because leaving this place has nothing to do
with whether or not I love these students--
because I wholeheartedly do.

And so...I explain myself--in the best way that
I know how.

And I hope they understand.
And I hope I have the patience.

Because I have a feeling that...
it's going to be this way for awhile...

Even though I have made some difficult choices
in the last few months
that have summoned a wide range of emotions,

And even in though I am experiencing
some pit-in-the-stomach days,

When I look ahead,
I am still filled with EXCITEMENT.