Thirty?!

Many twenty-somethings fear thirty.

Thirty seems to be the age when you are supposed
to have your life figured out--be settled.

Be mature. Be a respectable contributor
to society.

My little cousin Jameson told me today,
when I told him that I would still eat Mac and Cheese
out of the box,

"Kristin--thats because your not thirty yet.
Only people who are under thirty still like
Mac and Cheese."

And I...laughed.

Somehow, he changed the definition of "adult"
to thirty. Defined by....Kraft Mac and Cheese.

But upon thinking about this--as I am about to
turn twenty-four, which is by no means old
and I am not going to claim that it is--

Is my life where I thought it would be?

The answer is....
no.

I think that at twenty-four, I believed I would
have my life figured out.

It would all make sense.

I would be an adult. I would have clarity.
I would be on the beautiful path of success,
future plans, and definitive answers.

I would be on the straight and narrow.

I think its funny that my students think that
high school is where the drama ends--that
life somehow becomes this adultish certainty
with mature, grown-up emotions and simplicities.

Characterized by wisdom and knowledge and direction.
I think its funny that I ever believed that.

Because well...I am almost twenty-four.

And the reality is....
I can't picture my life beyond the next two days.

And some days...I find this exasperating.
Confusing. Annoying. Irritating. Disconcerting.

But today, I find it exhilarating.

There are so many possibilities.
So many directions.
So many opportunities.

And maybe its okay that I don't have it figured out.

Maybe I never will.

And maybe it gives God a chance

to move me.