All This Beauty

In American Literature, we read the short story called
"Dr. Heidegger's Experiment" by Nathaniel Hawthorne.

To summarize, it basically tells the story of Dr. Heidegger,
a man who finds the fountain of youth and has his four old
friends drink from it--becoming young again.

Upon drinking the water, the four old friends immediately
fall back into youthful foolishness and sin.

They do not carry their "wisdom" gained from age
and they repeat past mistakes from their youth.

When they spill the water from the fountain of youth and
return to their old age, they are all left discontented.
They will do anything to be young again.

They spend the rest of their lives in search of the
fountain of youth-- which they never find.
Their lives end up much worse at the end
than they were at the beginning.

This story displays youth in a very stereotypical way:
foolish. rash. sinful. seeking immediate gratification.
without logic. without reason. without wisdom.

After all, there is beauty is what these characters lack.
There is beauty in logic. in reason. in practicality.
in delayed gratification. in "thinking things through."

But even in the midst of their faults,
I realized that there is also beauty within these faults.
in "foolish" mistakes, in the unknown, in the adventure,
in risks, in youthful confidence and hope,
which these characters did not lack.

If I have learned anything from my faith in God,
it is that the logical or simple answer is
not always the right one.

The logical, comfortable answer does not always
require much faith.
Does not require as much dependence upon God.
Because it allows us to rest in
wordly circumstance and earthly security.

If I believe in the All-powerful God, the Almighty, the Creator,
the Great Healer and Miracle worker, why do I always search
for the simple, logical, practical answer? Why do I always
insist upon limiting God's influence in my life?

Why do I always doubt His ability to perform wonders beyond
my imagination or understanding?

My logic is nothing compared to His. My thoughts are completely
inferior to His. My plans pale in comparison to His.
He is incomprehensible.

And yet, I consistently try to comprehend everything that He is.
And everything He is doing.

I fear any answer that He gives me that does make
complete sense at the time, especially when the answer
seems to bring more questions.

There is beauty in foolishness. In trust. In leaps.
In listening to His voice over our desire to understand everything.
In following His guidance despite the doubtful worries.

After all, Jesus said that we must become like children.
Have a child-like faith.
And let's be honest, children are a little foolish.

And a little wonderful.

Farch.

Yes, Farch.

The dreary months of February and March
put together makes.....Farch.

I think that reason why the word "Farch" works so well
is because it is such an ugly, gross word.

And it symbolizes the most unpretty, cold and muddy, the snow-
is-no-longer-white months in the Midwest.

Farch is lovingly discussed amongst my colleagues
as the most dreaded time of the year.

The time when everyone is sick of snow.
Yet, the snow keeps falling.

The time when the cold and dark weather undoubtedly
penetrates our joy and general feelings of hope.
To be dramatic. :)

Farch made me cancel my lunch plans with one of my
best friends today because there was a 50 car pile up
between Battle Creek and Jackson.

I am on my 23rd Farch.
And still a little bitter.

Does it get any better?

Why do we chose to live here?
mmmm.....

No, seriously...why?

But the Root Beer stand opened this week.
And somehow that gives me hope for spring.
So, I am just trying to hang in there through
the rest of Farch....and then Apray (April and May)
just might be great... !!

Oh My

Dear Woman working out on the
Elliptical machine next to me
talking WAY too loud on her cell phone
for an entire hour.....

Are you serious?!?!

Faith

"Is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what
we cannot see." Hebrews 11: 1

This lovely verse that I have heard a million times looked
at me this morning because it is plastered on the coffee cup
I am currently sipping from.

Such a simple verse. Right?

16 words. Thats all.
Should be...fairly simple to comprehend.

But as I think about this verse, I am amazed by how often
I don't have any faith.

I believe in a God miracle only when its 100% obvious that it
just "couldn't have been a coincidence."
And even then, I often have moments of doubt.

I believe more in the incredible things that people do--
I am amazed by David Copperfield's ability
to make the Statue of Liberty disappear,
or Michael Phelp's ability to win eight gold medals,
or Martin Luther King Jr.'s courage and sacrifice.
These are all things I can see. They do not require faith.
Just eyes. Or ears.

Then, this verse calls us to be certain of what we hope for.

The truth is, this is hard.
Should I be certain of everything I hope for?
Because God knows that I have experienced
dashed hopes, despair, and things turning out
"much different than I had hoped."

The time relationships or friendships ended,
the times I lost a big game, the times I prayed persistently
and it just didn't seem to change anything.

But then, I looked at my concordance in my Bible and found

when the word hope is actually used:

Hope in Him (even Job maintained hope)
In God alone, my hope is from Him...Psalms...
I have put my hope in Your word...Psalms
Who put their hope in His unfailing love....
Hope in heaven....Proverbs
May the God of hope fill you....Romans
Hope in the Spirit....Romans
Resting on the hope of eternal life....Timothy

It never says a single thing about hoping in people,
in circumstances, in the world, in dreams of success.

Maybe this is why being "the God of hope"
doesn't seem so powerful to me. Because my hopes often refer
to wordly hopes, not godly hopes, that have been cast aside
or left me with a feeling of disappointment.

Bluntly put, I hope...in the wrong things. I claim that I don't hope
in the wrong things, but subconsciously, or consciously, I do.

And hoping in the wrong things
has taught me to be uncertain of hope.
Uncertain of God's goodness and provision.
Believing that He will hold out on me or that
He wants to deny me happiness or blessings.

But in reality, these verses say that
God is the God of hope because He gives us hope

Despite wordly disappointments.
Despite circumstances.
Despite evil and godlessness.

He is the only source of actual hope is this world.

He has promised us continued hope and contentment,
peace and joy, if only we rest in Him.

I know that He surrounds me with his love and goodness
each and every moment.
I just choose not to see it.

Today, I feel a renewed sense that
Every good thing on earth comes from the God:
All love, healing, laughter, beauty, and joy.

And even when our circumstances aren't easy,
we may have confident hope in Jesus.

Thoughts of the Day

I have really good friends.

Teaching really makes me laugh some days.

I am confused by the fact that my freshmen might
actually be enjoying Romeo and Juliet. (maybe its the
sword fighting...)

I have a lot of colleagues that really look out for me
and care.

I need to start packing something else besides Lean
Cuisines in my lunch.....yeah.

Lately, I have not even attempted to limit the limitless
coffee that I drink. YIKES.

I have actually been sleeping more lately,
which is so great.

I have not been lost since I got my GPS system for
Christmas! (thanks grandma)

I really wish I could play an instrumet. Corey's guitar
skills make me jealous. And Michelle's piano AND singing skills.
Oh, and Bryan's tuba skills. ha.

I am really excited that I get to see one of my best friends
this weekend.

I like teaching high school, but I am consistently glad that
I am not in high school.

Did I seriously care this much about Homecoming when I was
in high school?
Yes, I think I did.
And I am a little bit ashamed.

I really wish it would be spring!

Senioritis is an excuse I am already sick of hearing.
(In the first 3 weeks of the semester...)

All of my students in Freshman English thought that Shakespeare's
use of the word "ho" meant something....well, different...
and it got a little out of control for a second.

I never thought of teaching the difference between those
words when we studied homophones 2 weeks ago.....

What makes almost all students hate poetry?
When do they learn that?
So sad...

I really hate the word "moist."

I kinda like teaching grammar...which is a new development.

I am so glad its the weekend!

Sadly, this blog post might
be a somewhat accurate representation
of my thoughts. :)

The Hill

But somehow, I am always brought back
to moments like these:

Psalm 121:

I lift up my eyes to the hills—
where does my help come from?

My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.

He will not let your foot slip
he who watches over you will not slumber;

indeed, he who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.

The LORD watches over you—
the LORD is your shade at your right hand;

the sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night.

The LORD will keep you from all harm—
he will watch over your life;

the LORD will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore.

I realized that geographically there cannot be a valley
without a hill.

It is impossible.

Praise God.

"For our light and momentary troubles are acheiving
for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.
So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but is
unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is
unseen is eternal."
--2 Corinthians 4: 17-18

And I know that He is preparing me for something
with eternal significance, something greater.

And somehow, amidst the darkness, I trust Him.

Moments of Clarity

I went back to Ann Arbor this past weekend to visit some of my
best friends from college.

I think I have the wisest friends in the world.
They helped me see.

They are some of the people God put in my life to help me see
when I cannot.

Many days, I feel unsure.
Trying.
Waiting.

But God always gives me moments of clarity
amidst confusion and angst
when I need it the most.

Often, the moment of clarity does not make my life
easier
but harder.
Requiring more faith. more belief. more courage.

I can't question God's will.
I can't continue in the same path
of indecision and inaction.
I can't avoid His calling.

Because I know.

But then again,
there is so much relief in knowing.

In moments of clarity.

"Sometime the Hardest Thing
and the Right Thing are the Same"
--The Fray