Bye Bye Stuff

Three weeks ago, I noticed that my GPS
was taken from my car.
I keep it in my glove compartment
and I don't know when it happened,
but it's gone.

Last night, someone got into our apartment
and stole Lisa's computer and my recently
purchased Mac.

I lost almost all of my writing.
And my photos. And some music.

This morning I woke up and realized that they
also stole my ipod.

And I just cried...again.

I know in my head that these things are just things--
but I feel so violated. And I loved those things,
especially my computer.

And with what has happened recently,
I can't help but think back.
Four weeks ago, I was probably more joyful
than I have ever been.

God spoke to me in really powerful ways.

It was one of those moments when God
stops you in your tracks. And pours His love
upon you...just because. And you think
to yourself that this is all you would ever need.
Because nothing is better than the love
and freedom I experienced in Jesus those couple weeks.

But since then, I have been tested.

One class I took this quarter is probably
the hardest class I have ever taken.
And it's been frustrating at times, draining,
and time-consuming.

My relationships with a couple of my friends
have also been tested recently.

And...to be obvious, my stuff keeps getting stolen,
while I am not making any money.

It has just been one of those times when
I have felt bogged down with details and tasks.
I have been frantically trying to check the next
thing off my list--and I have felt immersed in
things I don't particularly enjoy.

It's amazing how easily I forget the big picture
and lose sight of what I know is true.

And I have been tempted to worry.
It seems as if Jesus has asked me the question,
are you really content in Me?
And will you still "fix your eyes upon me"
through this?

And I realized that so often I want Jesus and...
that. Or this. I just want, want, want.

But what I really want is to walk through these
situations filled with grace. I want to honor
Jesus with my actions and faith, despite emotions.

And I don't want to be filled with anger,
or self-entitlement, or vengeful feelings.
Not towards anyone, and not towards whoever it is
that stole my stuff.

I am praying really hard. Because what kind of faith
do I have if I can't hold on to God's goodness
through all things? If I can't believe that He
is working every circumstance for my good?

These verses have been on my heart, over and over.

Romans 5:3-5~We can rejoice, too, when we run
into problems and trials, for we know that they
help us develop endurance. And endurance develops
strength of character, and character strengthens
our confident hope of salvation. And this hope
will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly
God loves us, because He has given us the Holy Spirit
to fill our hearts with His love."

Phil 4: 11-13~For I have learned to be content with
whatever I have. I have learned the secret of living
in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach
or empty, with plenty or little. For I can do everything
through Christ who gives me strength."

These verses are where I want my heart to be.
I don't want to whine when trouble comes my way.
I want to learn to be content.

And I really want endurance.
And if these recent situations teach me endurance (And I
pray they do, more than anything else),
I accept it. And I even want it.

I am not going to say that is has been easy.
Or that I have been filled with grace throughout
all of this.

Because that would be lying.
And I try not to do that. :)

But I know that God's goodness always follows me.
And He already has provided in this situation
in so many ways.

And I am thankful for all the friends and family
that have been really supportive, prayerful,
and encouraging through all this.

Really thankful.