GAH

"It was hard to say when exactly winter arrived.
The decline was gradual, like that of a person into old age,
inconspicuous from day to day until the season became an
established, relentless reality. First came a dip in evening
temperatures, then days of continuous rain, confused gusts
of wind, dampness, the fall leaves and the changing of the
clocks--though there were the occasional moments of reprieve,
mornings when one could leave the house without a coat and the
sky was cloudless and bright.

But they were like false signs of recovery in a patient upon whom
death has already passed its sentence. By now the new season is
entrenched, and the city covered by an ominous steel-grey sky......"
~JK Huysmans

Sooo.....I went running outside on Tuesday.

And then on wednesday, I joined a gym.

Prayer

Jesus,

Show me how to let go of my need for perfection.
"For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God."

Allow me to dwell in grace.
"It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Therefore,
do not let yourselves be burdened by the yoke of slavery."

Show me how to get rid of judgment and malice towards others.
"Let us love one another, for love is from God,
and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God."

Show me how to let go of worry and doubt.
"In Me you may have peace.
In this world you will have trouble. But take heart!
I have overcome the world."

Teach me how let go of the things I cannot understand.
"surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life."

Help me let go of my pride.
"Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus:
Who, being in very nature God...made himself nothing..."

Move my heart to prayer.
"the prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective."

Help me rest in the knowledge that You are enough.
"Your grace is sufficient for me."

Remind me of what is true.
You are "the way, the truth, the life."

Show me how to put my beliefs into action.
"Then Peter got out of the boat, walked on water,
and came toward Jesus."

Fill me with love and compassion for those in need.
"I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least
of these brothers of mine, you did for me."

Help me not to focus on outward beauty or material possessions.
"Beauty fades, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised."

Grant me joy in You alone.
"I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.
I can do everything through him who gives me strength."

Reveal more to me about who You are.
"Behold, the Lamb, who takes away the sin of the world!"

Help me have confidence in who You have made me to be.
"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Your works are wonderful, I know that full well."

Help me be strong.
"God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power,
of love and of self-discipline."

Give me the strength to be bold.
"I am not ashamed of the Gospel of Christ, for it is the power
of God unto salvation--to every one that believes."

Do not let the sin and brokenness of the world overcome me.
"I will fear no evil, for You are with me."

Guide me to truth in every situation.
"If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives
generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him."

Increase my desire to be transformed.
"Search me, O God, and know my heart;
point out anything in me that offends you
and lead me along the path of everlasting life."

Teach me to accept difficulty.
"For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses,
insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities.
For when I am weak, then I am strong."

Allow me to trust Your goodness.
"I will be glad and rejoice in your unfailing love...
for you have seen my troubles,
but You have set me in a safe place."

Move my heart to be in awe of Your greatness.
"Who else has held the oceans in his hand?
Who has measured off the heavens with his fingers?
Who else knows the weight of the earth
or has weighed the mountains and hills on a scale?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth."

Even though I will struggle many times with these things,
help me to listen to Your voice.
"Take heart, my child. Your sins are forgiven...."

The World Created

A lot of people look at the world and can't really believe in God.
I have heard it a million times again.
"If God existed, there wouldn't be this or that."
And I understand why that would be.

Because when I look at the world, I see only an echo of God
in the midst of a lot of injustice and suffering.

After all, shouldn't God be like the world He created?

I mean, don't we all believe that the art reflects the artist?

I don't know much about art, but I know that I can look
at Starry Night and understand a bit about Van Gogh.
And the way he saw the sky.

And it's funny, because as an English major,
we were always taught that we can't assume that an
author writes about stuff from his or her own life.

And we were always taught that we can't even assume
that the author completely believes in the message
he or she gives in the writing.

But doesn't that seem problematic?
Who writes of things they don't believe in?

So in truth, I don't think anybody really follows it that well.
Even though it's against the rules, every person judges the artist
based upon the art. And most everyone thinks that it is possible
to understand the artist and the values kept by this person,
based upon......the art.

So then...it seems obvious and natural that people
would judge God, the artist, on His art: the world.

And the world is not that pretty anymore, to say the least.
And therefore, it must mean that the Creator God,
at least in part, is a little bit like the distorted
world He created.

It must mean that maybe God
isn't that pretty...or that good. Right?

Confession: I think there are days when I hold a view
of God based upon things I see in the world.

"Ya know, He could have done something about THAT."
Don't you think? He could have done something
about DARFUR, or Hurricane Katrina, or.....

But the reality is--He didn't create this world.
He didn't create suffering and sin for us.
He created the Garden of Eden.

And we all know this is no Garden of Eden.

And so all we see in this world is an echo, or a shadow,
or mere pieces of the artist.

But I still find it easy, at times, to blame the original artist.
For the world I created. For the world my sin permeates.

It's as if I take Starry Night off the wall--smear red paint
all over it, throw it, tear it to pieces,
and then looked back in disdain at Van Gogh himself,
blaming him for the ruined art. Not exactly my finest moment.

But I do that. And simply because in my mind,
Van Gogh had a chance to stop me, or whoever
else was going to try to ruin his art.

And I want to place the blame on someone else. anyone else.
So I choose to forget my own responsibility.
I choose to forget that I took part in damaging the art.

I have to admit that I really wish that this world
reflected it's Creator better.
Because He is a worthy and beautiful artist.
And I think He gets a lot of blame for the
world as it currently is.

I really wish it wasn't such a barrier,
and I wish we could clearly see His work as it was intended.

But I know that without Jesus, the One who is good and loving
and just, the world we created is hopeless.

And without Him, we have no hope to change it, to redeem it,
and live in peace within it.

But currently, when we work to redeem it, to set it right, to bring
Christ's love into the world we created--we are really working
to restore Eden, to restore our fellowship with God,
and to allow others to see the world, at least in part,
as God intended it.

And when we are like Christ, we are showing people God's art
as it was intended. And we are helping them understand the
Artist in a world that doesn't do that very well anymore.

“For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus
to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."
~Ephesians 2:10